Within The Darkness
by ZekksGoddess
Summary: Behind closed doors, do you really know anyone? Their pains, fears or rages? A glimpse into the mind of the former Anakin Skywalker. sorta AP


**_Within The Darkness  
_by Jaina-Elessar  
**

**Disclaimer: **Plot is mine, characters aren't…yadda yadda**  
**

**Rating: **hmm, I'll go with PG-13

**Summary: **Even the worst person can be someone else behind closed doors. **  
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**Keywords:** darkness, Vader, Padmé, holodisk**  
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**Genre: **angst, romance (sort-of) **  
**

**Pairings: **sortaA/P

**AN: **This is what happens when I watch Episodes 2 and 6, read the book version of Episodes 1 and 2 and watch RoTS trailers all day long…hehe, please review!

* * *

"_There's another world inside of me...that you may never see_

_There are secrets in this life that I can't hide_

_Somewhere in this darkness _

_There's a light that I can't find_

_Maybe it's too far away_

_Or maybe I'm just blind."_

_- 3 Doors Down_

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Darkness.

That was the sole word fit to describe the tiny room. Each corner of the cramped space was completely engulfed in shadow, and intentionally so. The room's single occupant preferred it that way. He liked the dark. It had become his haven.

Once, he had felt that way about the light. He had relished in its warmth and brightness, it had been so welcoming…

Now the light frightened him. Terrified him, even. It shone upon the galaxy, revealing the evil within. And now, he hid within the darkness. Hid from the tell-all light, hid from his past, hid from himself.

His life was spent hiding. The darkness always stayed with him as his protector, allowing him to forget. He was clothed in it, his polished black armor, and the mask that forever hid him from the galaxy.

The galaxy was blind, the Empire was blind -the Emperor himself was blind - to the deep struggle that raged within the depths of Darth Vader's soul.

Vader's heart had been scarred many years ago, with deep unhealing wounds. Wounds that only grew deeper and more painful with his desperation to leave them behind, to forget.

Slowly, Vader raised his black-gloved hands to his helmet; the motion seemed to take ages to pass. Slower still, his gloved hands found a grip on the helmet and removed it, placing it on a low stand near where he sat.

His hands fumbled for a moment, but then a soft glow arose from a small holodisk he held in his lap. He flinched as the brightness fell across his still handsome face.

Vader often sat here, in his quarters. Most often he would ponder various ways in which he could continue to hide, but recently he had re-discovered the very holodisk he held in his black-clad hands, and it had become the new source of his anguish.

His eyes- once so full of intensity and spark- rose slowly to meet the small image emitted from the tiny disk. All at once, he was overcome.

Emotions warred within him, anger, fear, longing, sadness, regret, self-hatred…

A single tear fell slowly as he studied the holographic image before him. His jaw tightened.

Padmé.

Her head was bowed down slightly, a shy smile gracing her lips. Dark, chocolate curls fell gently over her shoulders, contrasting sharply with the white silk of her dress.

He remembered that day. He remembered it all too well. The wedding of Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala…how could he not remember?

His eyes remained fixed on the small image before him, entranced by the beauty of his angel.

His fist clenched suddenly, his jaw tightened further as he continued to stare at the image of his dear wife.

Padmé, his Padmé truly was an angel now…

He missed her so much; words couldn't amount to the feelings that welled up inside him. Oh, how he wished to see her again. He knew that given the opportunity, he'd do _anything_ for another chance to see her, to stroke a finger across her soft cheek, tug at one of her silken curls, even just to see a smile light across her face…

But the chance was gone. She had met her fate long ago, at his hands.

The tears fell more freely now, and rage welled up within him. _He_, of all people had killed her.

His grip tightened fiercely on the holodisk.

The last time he had seen her had been burned into his brain, a poison within his mind. If he closed his eyes he saw her, dark orbs widening, hands flying up to clutch at her throat, desperately attempting to breathe.

He screamed suddenly, flinging himself out of the chair. Rage overtook him, and he flung the holodisk away, far away…he couldn't bear to be haunted any longer. She must _hate _him, the man who had loved her so unconditionally- and still did, more than anything- but also her murderer.

The woman he loved…clothed in white…with her death, all happiness and good had fled his life. And it was his own fault. He had killed her, and sealed his own fate as a Sith…and hated himself for it.

He took a deep breath suddenly, and his blue eyes stared around at the room, as though bewildered at what at just occurred. His breathing was short and raspy from his outburst, and his eyes revealed that he had ravaged the room…

His eyes fell upon the tiny holodisk that lay in a small corner of the room.

"No…" The hoarse whisper escaped his lips, wrought with worry and his heart clenched in fear. In desperation, he dropped to the floor.

The holodisk lay there in small fragments, broken beyond repair. But perhaps he could fix it! He was good at fixing things, he always had been!

A sob escaped him as he blindly tried to force the small pieces together again. Tears clouded his vision, desperation and anger filling his senses until it was all he knew once more.

He dragged himself into a corner of the room, where he held his head in his hands, still clutching the broken pieces of holodisk.

The galaxy was blind, the Empire was blind -the Emperor himself was blind- to the deep struggle that raged within the depths of Darth Vader's soul.

And they would remain blind. Not a soul would ever know what happened within the depths of Lord Vader's dark, mysterious quarters, and not a soul cared to find out.

Not a soul knew that Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, was a broken man, truly alone.


End file.
